[ A small shiver runs through him when she touches him, her fingers light on his skin. He starts to feel the beginning of dread and sucks in a deep breath, hand dropping to her chest. His palm settles right above her heart, using that as a ground when more of that dread wells up.
Instead of clamming up, he focuses on the splay of his fingers on her chest and keeps talking. ]
You pinned my hands above my head, took control. [ That doesn't come out how he wants, ends up sounding tense and wobbly. But he remembers, distantly, how he'd felt waking up from that dream. How thrilling it was that her dream self had been able to touch him so much. That he's trusted her enough to let it happen. ]
[The bad thing about him bottling up the fact that the sound he makes is because of fear and not a sound caused by being pleased by her touch is that she has no idea he's struggling when he makes it. He breathes in deeply, yes, but he also settles his hand between her breasts, fingers spanning wide across her chest like he wants to touch, to be touched.
His voice, though, gives her pause. This isn't the way he sounded before, soft and eager and maybe slightly embarrassed, and she searches his face for signs of him being truthful, of there being something wrong here.
If he were showing her that everything was fine she might do what she had in his dream, take his arms and pin him down and move against him to make him fully hard again, but that seems like an awful thing to do to him when he's showing her that he's struggling now.
Instead she puts one hand on his, presses it to her chest a little tighter so he feels the warmth of her skin, feels her heart beating steadily, and she guides his other hand up to rest on her hip.]
And you knew that it was me, just us. You knew it was safe.
[ He should have said something, but he's so used to bottling it all up. Used to just struggling through it on his own and trying desperately not to have it noticed. Inej was there at possibly one of his worst moments—not much beats fainting from panic—and he knows she won't do anything to make it worse on purpose. Earlier, she'd been helpful in coming back away from the bad memories and she's trying to do the same here, in how she presses his hand closer.
This way, her heartbeat is easier to feel, steady under her ribs. Kaz blinks away the images of water, lets out a shaky sigh as the dread starts to fade. ]
Just us. [ He echoes her, to show he'd been trying to listen. It had been just them. Well, and maybe the dream versions of the ever present crows on his window sill. Most importantly, he hadn't once thought of water or the dead.
Feeling more like himself, he slides his hand from her hip down her thigh and then back up. Touching for the sake of it and relieved when he's able to without any immediate consequence. ]
[-wish you would tell me what happened, she almost says, but just as quickly as she starts she cuts that off. She can't ask him, doesn't feel entitled to the answer or like it's fair of her to press at all, so she stops. She smiles at him instead, leaning in to kiss him, brush her lips over his in a way that speaks of nothing but support.]
I've wanted that for a long time.
[Which is a misdirect, but it's the truth too. How often has she entertained the idea of them away from the Barrel, away from the dark and damp just to see Kaz in a setting where he can let go of so many of the duties he imposes on himself? To see him free, relaxed. She just wants him to be happy, but he always seems to get in his own way.]
[ (If she'd asked what happened, he isn't sure he'd be able to tell her. It still feels so fresh, a deep cut, even though it's been nearly ten years).
He tilts his head at her sudden start and pause, wondering what she'd been about to say. Inej isn't usually one to hesitate with her words. But then, this is new for them both, isn't it? They're pushing some boundaries they hadn't even gone near before. Some of it is honestly frightening—like the fact he'll have to tell her everything. Because he knows he should, if this is going to continue outside of now, outside of this room. It's unfair to make her deal with his problems when she has no idea what it is.
More of it is distinctly thrilling, though. Like how she brushes a kiss across his lips. A soft comfort he leans into, just a bit.
When she asks about what else happened in his dreams, he looks considering, sorting through half faded memories of dreams. There's also the fact that while many of those did feature them doing something like this, there had been some...less salacious ones. Those are almost more embarrassing to bring up, so uncharacteristic because when he'd woken up, he'd wanted them so badly. ]
I got between your legs and used my tongue until you came. [ He's not sure he could do that right now, but he'd want to try one day, if she'll let him. ] One time, you just watched while I got myself off.
[She wants to know if he's ever done that before, if he's somehow managed to slip out while she wasn't with him, visited some nameless girl who taught him how to use his tongue, as he puts it, but something unfamiliar makes those questions grow sour in her belly. She doesn't like feeling jealous, isn't used to it, wouldn't have let that even curl into her brain if it weren't for the fact that now that she's kissed him, made him come, she doesn't want anyone else to do that.
Doesn't want anyone else to have done it. It's hypocritical given the time she spent in the Menagerie, but she wants him to be hers and no one else's.]
If you wanted that, I- [She falters again, but this time it's because she started speaking before she realized what she was agreeing to and now her cheeks are warm again, a barely visible blush under her dark complexion.] I wouldn't mind. I would like it.
[Just so he knows. So he knows he can ask. And more than that...
Her hands stroke over his chest, absently petting him as her head dips down in a show of what can only be shyness. Saints help her.]
[ Seeing her suddenly go a bit shy has him crooking a smile, somewhat in disbelief. Here's the woman who's slit as many throats as he has—probably more— sitting atop him and blushing. Although it's amusing, he's also glad that she still had this side to her. That the Barrel didn't stomp it out like it does to so many, innocence and softness crushed under the city's unforgiving heel. ]
Anything? [ The bit of cockiness from earlier comes back, the expression on his face similar to the one their group considers his scheming face. This time, it's applied not to the reward of kruge, though he certainly feels the greed is about the same.
He sits up and easily swaps their positions, ignoring the protest of his one leg. There's a beat where he just looks at her, finding he doesn't want anyone else to be able to see her like this; her braid completely undone, dark hair fanned across the pillow, the peeking sunlight outlining her one side, the happy curve of her mouth. Then he's leaning in to brush kisses from her collarbone to her sternum, attention on her reactions. ]
[That's all she gets out before he's got her on her back, and before she relaxes into it and smiles up at him there's a moment where there's a sour look on her face, the expression of an Inej who is annoyed to have been bested by anyone when it comes to a test of speed.
But if this is the outcome she can't really be that mad about it. Her whole body goes lax under him, arms lifting to slip so loosely around his waist. She doesn't pull or guide, just shows him that she wants whatever he's doing, whatever his plan is.
When his lips brush her skin she sighs softly and closes her eyes, letting him see the immense trust she has in him. It's a vulnerable thing to close your eyes in front of anyone in the Barrel, as good as bearing your throat and asking for a knife to slit it, and she knows that it'll mean as much to him to see her submission as it means to her to be allowed to see this side to him.]
[ Putting her on her back like this was a risk. They've both grown up in the Barrel, learned that caution and defensiveness (at the least) is the way to get by. Instead of tensing up or lashing out, she relaxes, and he feels that funny little flip in his stomach. Bit by bit, she's showing how much she trusts him, practically baring her throat.
Against all instincts, he wants to be able to do the same. Not only because she rightfully asked it of him, but because he does trust her. This is Inej, who has held every single one of his secrets in her hands and kept them safe. With the information she has, she could've done so much to ruin his life, but here they both are, armor chipped away.
She doesn't protest, so he keeps going, kisses a line down the center of her body. Down past the dip of her belly, his one hand sliding up the inside of her thigh. When he gets between her legs, he gives her a look that's both questioning and wanting, eyes darkened from possibility. ]
[Whether or not he's done this before, Inej still can't say. What matters, though, is that he has a kind of confidence to him now that makes her tremble, makes her sure that he's going to get it right. The idea that she's going to be the one to teach him, show him how to please her and no I e ale is appealing too and she can't help that she squirms in anticipation, nodding at once to answer that silent question.]
It's okay. Please, Kaz.
[Not a thing he'll be used to her saying, and it's something she isn't used to hearing come out of her mouth either, but his comfort feels so much more important than her pride right now.]
[ Truthfully, he hasn't done this before. He's only heard talk and is remembering a half hazy dream where he'd done it. But he thinks if he goes astray, Inej will course correct like she did earlier, showing him exactly how she liked to be touched.
The flare of desire that goes through him when she speaks up is enough to spur him into motion. He presses a kiss to the vee of her thigh and then licks a line along her pussy, tongue flat on it. There's still residual wetness from earlier and he lets out a heated sigh against her. He repeats the action, adding a little more pressure. ]
[That's certainly a good start and she lets him know it by echoing his sigh, her back arching just a little as she angles her hips to chase the sensation of his tongue on her. It's only after the fact that she realizes she should probably hold herself still so that he can explore as he will, do as he like without her rushing him along to the finer points.
She's in no hurry. If anything she wants this to last as long as possible, for them to be wrapped up in each other all morning. All day. She doesn't want to share him with the rest of the world now that she has even this little piece of him, this one moment that feels so fleeting, and she's never felt so selfish as she does now.
It's... nice. Unusual, but nice.
Reaching down for him, she slips her fingers through his hair just for an excuse to touch him.]
[ Her sigh is fulfilling to hear; both of them can be tightly wound, simply trying to survive. He feels a blush spread across his cheeks when she shifts her hips, less embarrassed and more turned on by it. Now it's a goal to make her do that more, get her worked up like she did to him earlier.
When she slides her fingers into his hair, he lets out a quiet noise of encouragement. It feels good, the little tug that comes from her holding on. He licks at her again, this time experimentally pushing his tongue in. At the same time, his fingers find that spot he'd been rubbing earlier, a bit clumsy with the angle at first. Will this feel good? He's hoping so. ]
[It's equal parts surprise and encouragement, that little exclamation, and he gets what he wants with shocking ease. Her hips buck again, one foot kicking and her toes actually curling when he gets his tongue in her and goes after her clit like that. She can feel that he's just guessing, less experienced and more just someone eager and a quick study.
Trust him to be as good with his tongue and his fingers in this situation as any other one. She's almost annoyed by it, annoyed to know he'll probably end up pushing her over the edge without even trying, but she can figure out something to keep this from ending.
She has to. She doesn't want to lose him, not after everything.]
That's- that's really good. [Just so he knows, so he can't doubt it, think she's trying to stop him when she keeps talking.] We can do more. We don't have to- to stop here.
[ Oh, there's the reaction he was looking for. Her hips buck, back arching with the motion, and the exclamation runs straight down his spine. Not for the first time, he's thankful he's on the third floor, away from everyone else. Almost no one has a reason to be up here unless there's an emergency and they all know better than to barge in. Well, hopefully. If anyone decided to come in now, they'd certainly be met with a surprise.
Frankly, he's not even sure he'd care, not with Inej squirming under his touch. Then again, he doesn't want anyone to know what she looks like when she's like this. Doesn't want anyone to know the tilt of her body or curl of her toes when she feels good, how her voice goes a little dreamy at the edges. He wants to bottle that sound, keep it to himself like the greedy bastard that he is.
He moves to replace his fingers with his mouth, taking a page from her earlier and sucking before he pulls away. She tastes good, in a way he can't describe. Just simply her. ]
What do you want? [ Because he wants whatever she's got in mind. ]
[She wants to call him names when he sucks on her clit like that, when she has to put a hand over her mouth so she doesn't shout and bring some curious, nosy member of their crew to find out what's got Inej yelling at Kaz now. She wants to tell him off for picking this up too fast, for speeding them even closer to the end of this, and she knows that with how turned on she is that his chin is going to by shiny with her wetness when he lifts his head.
She knows it, but it's an entirely other thing to look down the length of her body and see his pale face with her fingers curled in his dark, dark hair, lips wet and curled into the most smug look she's ever seen on him.
Asshole. She loves him.]
I want all of you.
[He's smart enough to figure out what that means.]
[ He definitely feels smug, especially when she puts a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound that comes out. Part of him wants to tell her to go ahead and yell, damn all the consequences. Wants to see her lose control.
But he can't, not right now. Not when he still wants to keep this all to himself. And not when he isn't sure if his door is locked.
His eyebrow lifts when she responds, because while he isn't going to disagree, he's—well, maybe he's a little surprised. Is this too fast? If she says she wants it, then it should be fine, right? Cheekily, he licks her one last time, moaning softly when he gets a mouthful of how wet she is.
Then he sits up, wiping his chin off idly and frowning a bit. ]
Switch with me. [ Already, his leg has cramped up from kneeling between her legs. Any more of this and he's going to be off his feet for most of the day. ]
[Maybe it is too fast, but what Inej will regret more than going too fast is not getting everything out of this that Kaz is able to give, wants to share with her. If he had shown any sign that he didn't want to go all the way after she brought it up she would have been content to let him keep going down on her all morning, repaid him by swallowing his cock again and letting him spill down her throat one more time. If that had been as far as he could go, she would have accepted it.
But if he's so willing to agree that he just sits right up and makes that demand then yeah. She wants this.
She smiles at his suggestion and reaches for him as he sits up, pulls him in to kiss him despite the taste of her on his lips. It's dirty, more provocative than he probably expects from her, but she can't bring herself to care about that now.]
[ She agrees and that's really all he needs. He doesn't expect her to pull him in for a kiss, especially not after where his mouth has been. It's guaranteed she can taste herself and somehow, that sends a coil of want through him. His hand slides up her side, following the curve of her waist until he's palming a breast, a moan getting muffled by the kiss.
Everything about her is small, easy to fit in his hands. He's reminded of the times he's wondered if he could just pick her up and put her on his desk. Or push her up against a wall.
Something to possibly bring up later.
For now though, he breaks away from the kiss with some reluctance before settling into his back carefully. His leg definitely protests the motion and he stretches it out with an annoyed noise. Normally, he doesn't hate it so much, but right now it's irritating. Whatever, he has better things to think about. Like how Inej looks right now, flushed all over. He reaches up and traces the line of her cheek down to her jaw, something he always thinks about doing. ]
[As they move, switching positions, she doesn't stop heaping affection on him at every second. She keeps kissing him, hands sliding over every inch of him she can feel, helping him properly out of his sleeping pants once and for all. It should be any different to see him totally naked when she had already seen the more private parts of him, but there's a moment when she has him pressed back on the bed, hands on his hips and she's looking down at him, where she absolutely stares.
It's very likely that no one has looked at Kaz like this, equal parts hunger and burning affection, but Inej does. Inej looks at him like he's always been hers and he was just slow to figure it out, and even when he stretches his leg and she realizes why he'd wanted to move like this, even when she's reaching out to find those sore, tired muscles and work them loose with practiced fingers, she's still looking at him like she'll never let him go.
She won't. He'd better get used to it.
But she also isn't taking her time with this, not really. Once he's settled, once she's got him on his back, she moves right up over his hips again, knees on either side of him, and reaches down to palm his cock. She slides her fingers along him slowly, not needing to get him hard (which is a thing she feels with no small measure of pride) but just because she wants to feel him, see him squirm a little.
And watch his face when she rubs the head of his cock through against her sex, lets him feel just how wet she is because of him in a much more intimate way. Leaning in again lets her steal another kiss, hungry and claiming and not at all gentle, but when she speaks her voice is soft, clear as a bell while her lips brush over his.]
[ Each touch brings a small thrill alongside that stitch of worry that it'll be the one to set him off. That his body will finally decide it's had enough and cause him to push her away. He can feel it, the ingrained panic rising up, but it's self-fabricated. It's years of avoidance bubbling to the surface and trying to push away before anything happens.
It isn't exactly canceled out, but he switches his focus to the press of her lips, the way her hands trail down his stomach to his hips and hold on. When she finally pauses, he's as flushed as she is, the color spreading from his cheeks down to his chest. She's giving him a look, half like she wants to eat him and the other half—it's soft at the edges. He thinks it might mirror the one he's given a few times, when she's feeding the crows and not paying attention.
(And he knows it's one he's given in a dream; it might've involved him giving her a crown of those red geraniums).
When she kneads her fingers across his leg, he lets out a relieved sigh, reaching out to run his hand down her shoulder and arm. Simply to touch and make sure he can. Nothing inside of him shudders. At least, not in warning; he definitely does a few beats later when she gets him between her legs and rubs. He swears into her mouth, hips lifting instinctually. ]
[That makes her smile again, soft and amused against his lips, and she shakes her head.]
That's not what this is.
[And that's giving way more away than she probably should, but she can't help it. Fucking is what the version of her owned by the Menagerie did, something cold and unfeeling. That isn't something she wants to associate with this, with Kaz Brekker and her torch she's been carrying for so long it's burned down to a sooty stub in her hand that she still refuses to let go even when the heat of it stings. She won't call it making love or anything so flowery, but there's more heart to this than fucking like two drunken idiots in an alleyway.
When she tips her hips forward and lets him slide into her, it's so much more than fucking. Her breath catches, she bites down on her lip as her body clenches tight at the intrusion of him, so much bigger than fingers, but she doesn't stop. It's a slow and steady press down, inch by inch, soft little sounds escaping her, hands grasping his shoulder or stroking through his hair as she goes. It's all so much to finally be doing this after years of wanting him to be hers and by the time her hips come to a rest, pressed tight to his, she's so wrung out by emotion and the way it feels to have him buried in her that she wants to cry from how much it is.
In a very good way. She needs a minute to adjust before she moves, too, and she leans her forehead against his, eyelids fluttering, cunt squeezing around his cock like she's greedy for him, will never let him pull out. The flush under her skin makes her glow, and when she meets his eyes hers are liquid fire and every secret is right there in them for him to pick clean.
Love, devotion. Longing. She's laid bare now, utterly exposed, and all she can do is hope he won't break her heart.]
Her words echo around in his head, feel like they fill his lungs with something he's been too afraid to acknowledge. But then, she's always been the more courageous of the two of them, hasn't she? Kaz might take the risks or gamble with low odds, but she's brave inside and out. She dared the Barrel to whittle her down and won. She's kept her Saints, kept her soul (if that's even a thing) intact, her morals firmly in place.
(Underneath the awe, he feels a coil of misery, knows he isn't good enough, even if she seems to think he is).
As much as it frightens him, he has to admit she's right. Because if it were simply fucking, he wouldn't be so keen on doing any of this. He wouldn't have let her in so close with so many possibilities to slip a knife between his ribs. And he wouldn't get the urge to raze the whole damn city at the thought of her getting hurt. Kaz has always known he could be protective, but this is different than keeping power in check and looking after his own.
He gives her the time she needs, breath hitching as she slowly sinks down on him, her face the picture of concentration. His hand pets down her side soothingly and when she finally settles, he slides his palm to the back of her neck, fingers tangling in her hair. ]
I know it isn't. [ The words come out low, almost a whisper. Private and just for them. ] I didn't shed my armor for that.
[With those few words whispered where no one else will ever hear them, Kaz gives her more than she could have ever hoped for. It solidifies this in her head and in her heart as more than what she thought it was, as real and lasting and something that will survive this one perfect, sunny, warm morning when they just happened to wake up feeling a little more willing to be open.
This is a gift, one she won't squander, and he gives her honesty and she heaps even more on him in return.]
I won't let you put it back on. [She promises him, both hands coming up to cup his face in her hands so she can kiss his brow, his cheek, his lips.] You're mine now, Kaz. I'll keep you.
[There will be no getting away from her now, not with any of his usual tricks he pulls to cut people out. He's stuck, and now she knows that he'll be happy about it.
She loves him, but what feels more important to her is that now she's starting to believe it's been mutual for a very long time.
And with that in her mind, making her feel warm and light and perfectly happy, she starts to move. It's so slow, her hips rocking forward and then back as she steals kiss after kiss from his lips, and she knows it's never felt better for her than it does now. He's the perfect size, just the right amount of a curve to the length of him that he pulls just right on that secret spot inside her that so few men know about with each deep press in. He's perfect, she loves him, he loves her, and she moans softly against his mouth.]
[ Her reaction is immediate and he can't help the smile that pulls at the corners of his mouth. For the first time in a while, he feels light, like the weight of responsibility he usually carries has been shucked off. ]
Greedy. You sure you don't worship Ghezen? [ He says it in place of what he wants to say: I've been yours for a while. One confession is difficult enough right now, even if a part of him wants to shout about it.
Later, he'll make himself say it, so she knows. It doesn't matter that she seems to understand everything underneath the words, the things between the lines. She deserves to hear it straight. It's the least he can do, when she's bared her whole heart.
Her buoyancy is infectious, getting a muffled laugh the more she kisses him. The sound changes partway through when she shifts her hips, the friction an addictive drag. She's wet enough that it's an easy slide, one that leaves him groaning whenever he's buried deep. He drags his hand up her thigh and ghosts his fingers down her stomach, stopping right where she's pressed right against him. ]
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Instead of clamming up, he focuses on the splay of his fingers on her chest and keeps talking. ]
You pinned my hands above my head, took control. [ That doesn't come out how he wants, ends up sounding tense and wobbly. But he remembers, distantly, how he'd felt waking up from that dream. How thrilling it was that her dream self had been able to touch him so much. That he's trusted her enough to let it happen. ]
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His voice, though, gives her pause. This isn't the way he sounded before, soft and eager and maybe slightly embarrassed, and she searches his face for signs of him being truthful, of there being something wrong here.
If he were showing her that everything was fine she might do what she had in his dream, take his arms and pin him down and move against him to make him fully hard again, but that seems like an awful thing to do to him when he's showing her that he's struggling now.
Instead she puts one hand on his, presses it to her chest a little tighter so he feels the warmth of her skin, feels her heart beating steadily, and she guides his other hand up to rest on her hip.]
And you knew that it was me, just us. You knew it was safe.
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This way, her heartbeat is easier to feel, steady under her ribs. Kaz blinks away the images of water, lets out a shaky sigh as the dread starts to fade. ]
Just us. [ He echoes her, to show he'd been trying to listen. It had been just them. Well, and maybe the dream versions of the ever present crows on his window sill. Most importantly, he hadn't once thought of water or the dead.
Feeling more like himself, he slides his hand from her hip down her thigh and then back up. Touching for the sake of it and relieved when he's able to without any immediate consequence. ]
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[-wish you would tell me what happened, she almost says, but just as quickly as she starts she cuts that off. She can't ask him, doesn't feel entitled to the answer or like it's fair of her to press at all, so she stops. She smiles at him instead, leaning in to kiss him, brush her lips over his in a way that speaks of nothing but support.]
I've wanted that for a long time.
[Which is a misdirect, but it's the truth too. How often has she entertained the idea of them away from the Barrel, away from the dark and damp just to see Kaz in a setting where he can let go of so many of the duties he imposes on himself? To see him free, relaxed. She just wants him to be happy, but he always seems to get in his own way.]
Tell me what else happened in your dreams.
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He tilts his head at her sudden start and pause, wondering what she'd been about to say. Inej isn't usually one to hesitate with her words. But then, this is new for them both, isn't it? They're pushing some boundaries they hadn't even gone near before. Some of it is honestly frightening—like the fact he'll have to tell her everything. Because he knows he should, if this is going to continue outside of now, outside of this room. It's unfair to make her deal with his problems when she has no idea what it is.
More of it is distinctly thrilling, though. Like how she brushes a kiss across his lips. A soft comfort he leans into, just a bit.
When she asks about what else happened in his dreams, he looks considering, sorting through half faded memories of dreams. There's also the fact that while many of those did feature them doing something like this, there had been some...less salacious ones. Those are almost more embarrassing to bring up, so uncharacteristic because when he'd woken up, he'd wanted them so badly. ]
I got between your legs and used my tongue until you came. [ He's not sure he could do that right now, but he'd want to try one day, if she'll let him. ] One time, you just watched while I got myself off.
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Doesn't want anyone else to have done it. It's hypocritical given the time she spent in the Menagerie, but she wants him to be hers and no one else's.]
If you wanted that, I- [She falters again, but this time it's because she started speaking before she realized what she was agreeing to and now her cheeks are warm again, a barely visible blush under her dark complexion.] I wouldn't mind. I would like it.
[Just so he knows. So he knows he can ask. And more than that...
Her hands stroke over his chest, absently petting him as her head dips down in a show of what can only be shyness. Saints help her.]
I would do anything you wanted to...
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Anything? [ The bit of cockiness from earlier comes back, the expression on his face similar to the one their group considers his scheming face. This time, it's applied not to the reward of kruge, though he certainly feels the greed is about the same.
He sits up and easily swaps their positions, ignoring the protest of his one leg. There's a beat where he just looks at her, finding he doesn't want anyone else to be able to see her like this; her braid completely undone, dark hair fanned across the pillow, the peeking sunlight outlining her one side, the happy curve of her mouth. Then he's leaning in to brush kisses from her collarbone to her sternum, attention on her reactions. ]
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[That's all she gets out before he's got her on her back, and before she relaxes into it and smiles up at him there's a moment where there's a sour look on her face, the expression of an Inej who is annoyed to have been bested by anyone when it comes to a test of speed.
But if this is the outcome she can't really be that mad about it. Her whole body goes lax under him, arms lifting to slip so loosely around his waist. She doesn't pull or guide, just shows him that she wants whatever he's doing, whatever his plan is.
When his lips brush her skin she sighs softly and closes her eyes, letting him see the immense trust she has in him. It's a vulnerable thing to close your eyes in front of anyone in the Barrel, as good as bearing your throat and asking for a knife to slit it, and she knows that it'll mean as much to him to see her submission as it means to her to be allowed to see this side to him.]
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Against all instincts, he wants to be able to do the same. Not only because she rightfully asked it of him, but because he does trust her. This is Inej, who has held every single one of his secrets in her hands and kept them safe. With the information she has, she could've done so much to ruin his life, but here they both are, armor chipped away.
She doesn't protest, so he keeps going, kisses a line down the center of her body. Down past the dip of her belly, his one hand sliding up the inside of her thigh. When he gets between her legs, he gives her a look that's both questioning and wanting, eyes darkened from possibility. ]
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It's okay. Please, Kaz.
[Not a thing he'll be used to her saying, and it's something she isn't used to hearing come out of her mouth either, but his comfort feels so much more important than her pride right now.]
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The flare of desire that goes through him when she speaks up is enough to spur him into motion. He presses a kiss to the vee of her thigh and then licks a line along her pussy, tongue flat on it. There's still residual wetness from earlier and he lets out a heated sigh against her. He repeats the action, adding a little more pressure. ]
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She's in no hurry. If anything she wants this to last as long as possible, for them to be wrapped up in each other all morning. All day. She doesn't want to share him with the rest of the world now that she has even this little piece of him, this one moment that feels so fleeting, and she's never felt so selfish as she does now.
It's... nice. Unusual, but nice.
Reaching down for him, she slips her fingers through his hair just for an excuse to touch him.]
Keep going...
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When she slides her fingers into his hair, he lets out a quiet noise of encouragement. It feels good, the little tug that comes from her holding on. He licks at her again, this time experimentally pushing his tongue in. At the same time, his fingers find that spot he'd been rubbing earlier, a bit clumsy with the angle at first. Will this feel good? He's hoping so. ]
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[It's equal parts surprise and encouragement, that little exclamation, and he gets what he wants with shocking ease. Her hips buck again, one foot kicking and her toes actually curling when he gets his tongue in her and goes after her clit like that. She can feel that he's just guessing, less experienced and more just someone eager and a quick study.
Trust him to be as good with his tongue and his fingers in this situation as any other one. She's almost annoyed by it, annoyed to know he'll probably end up pushing her over the edge without even trying, but she can figure out something to keep this from ending.
She has to. She doesn't want to lose him, not after everything.]
That's- that's really good. [Just so he knows, so he can't doubt it, think she's trying to stop him when she keeps talking.] We can do more. We don't have to- to stop here.
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Frankly, he's not even sure he'd care, not with Inej squirming under his touch. Then again, he doesn't want anyone to know what she looks like when she's like this. Doesn't want anyone to know the tilt of her body or curl of her toes when she feels good, how her voice goes a little dreamy at the edges. He wants to bottle that sound, keep it to himself like the greedy bastard that he is.
He moves to replace his fingers with his mouth, taking a page from her earlier and sucking before he pulls away. She tastes good, in a way he can't describe. Just simply her. ]
What do you want? [ Because he wants whatever she's got in mind. ]
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She knows it, but it's an entirely other thing to look down the length of her body and see his pale face with her fingers curled in his dark, dark hair, lips wet and curled into the most smug look she's ever seen on him.
Asshole. She loves him.]
I want all of you.
[He's smart enough to figure out what that means.]
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But he can't, not right now. Not when he still wants to keep this all to himself. And not when he isn't sure if his door is locked.
His eyebrow lifts when she responds, because while he isn't going to disagree, he's—well, maybe he's a little surprised. Is this too fast? If she says she wants it, then it should be fine, right? Cheekily, he licks her one last time, moaning softly when he gets a mouthful of how wet she is.
Then he sits up, wiping his chin off idly and frowning a bit. ]
Switch with me. [ Already, his leg has cramped up from kneeling between her legs. Any more of this and he's going to be off his feet for most of the day. ]
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But if he's so willing to agree that he just sits right up and makes that demand then yeah. She wants this.
She smiles at his suggestion and reaches for him as he sits up, pulls him in to kiss him despite the taste of her on his lips. It's dirty, more provocative than he probably expects from her, but she can't bring herself to care about that now.]
Get comfortable. I'll take care of everything.
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Everything about her is small, easy to fit in his hands. He's reminded of the times he's wondered if he could just pick her up and put her on his desk. Or push her up against a wall.
Something to possibly bring up later.
For now though, he breaks away from the kiss with some reluctance before settling into his back carefully. His leg definitely protests the motion and he stretches it out with an annoyed noise. Normally, he doesn't hate it so much, but right now it's irritating. Whatever, he has better things to think about. Like how Inej looks right now, flushed all over. He reaches up and traces the line of her cheek down to her jaw, something he always thinks about doing. ]
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It's very likely that no one has looked at Kaz like this, equal parts hunger and burning affection, but Inej does. Inej looks at him like he's always been hers and he was just slow to figure it out, and even when he stretches his leg and she realizes why he'd wanted to move like this, even when she's reaching out to find those sore, tired muscles and work them loose with practiced fingers, she's still looking at him like she'll never let him go.
She won't. He'd better get used to it.
But she also isn't taking her time with this, not really. Once he's settled, once she's got him on his back, she moves right up over his hips again, knees on either side of him, and reaches down to palm his cock. She slides her fingers along him slowly, not needing to get him hard (which is a thing she feels with no small measure of pride) but just because she wants to feel him, see him squirm a little.
And watch his face when she rubs the head of his cock through against her sex, lets him feel just how wet she is because of him in a much more intimate way. Leaning in again lets her steal another kiss, hungry and claiming and not at all gentle, but when she speaks her voice is soft, clear as a bell while her lips brush over his.]
You have to say you want to.
[She doesn't want him to regret this.]
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It isn't exactly canceled out, but he switches his focus to the press of her lips, the way her hands trail down his stomach to his hips and hold on. When she finally pauses, he's as flushed as she is, the color spreading from his cheeks down to his chest. She's giving him a look, half like she wants to eat him and the other half—it's soft at the edges. He thinks it might mirror the one he's given a few times, when she's feeding the crows and not paying attention.
(And he knows it's one he's given in a dream; it might've involved him giving her a crown of those red geraniums).
When she kneads her fingers across his leg, he lets out a relieved sigh, reaching out to run his hand down her shoulder and arm. Simply to touch and make sure he can. Nothing inside of him shudders. At least, not in warning; he definitely does a few beats later when she gets him between her legs and rubs. He swears into her mouth, hips lifting instinctually. ]
Go on and fuck me, Inej.
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That's not what this is.
[And that's giving way more away than she probably should, but she can't help it. Fucking is what the version of her owned by the Menagerie did, something cold and unfeeling. That isn't something she wants to associate with this, with Kaz Brekker and her torch she's been carrying for so long it's burned down to a sooty stub in her hand that she still refuses to let go even when the heat of it stings. She won't call it making love or anything so flowery, but there's more heart to this than fucking like two drunken idiots in an alleyway.
When she tips her hips forward and lets him slide into her, it's so much more than fucking. Her breath catches, she bites down on her lip as her body clenches tight at the intrusion of him, so much bigger than fingers, but she doesn't stop. It's a slow and steady press down, inch by inch, soft little sounds escaping her, hands grasping his shoulder or stroking through his hair as she goes. It's all so much to finally be doing this after years of wanting him to be hers and by the time her hips come to a rest, pressed tight to his, she's so wrung out by emotion and the way it feels to have him buried in her that she wants to cry from how much it is.
In a very good way. She needs a minute to adjust before she moves, too, and she leans her forehead against his, eyelids fluttering, cunt squeezing around his cock like she's greedy for him, will never let him pull out. The flush under her skin makes her glow, and when she meets his eyes hers are liquid fire and every secret is right there in them for him to pick clean.
Love, devotion. Longing. She's laid bare now, utterly exposed, and all she can do is hope he won't break her heart.]
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Her words echo around in his head, feel like they fill his lungs with something he's been too afraid to acknowledge. But then, she's always been the more courageous of the two of them, hasn't she? Kaz might take the risks or gamble with low odds, but she's brave inside and out. She dared the Barrel to whittle her down and won. She's kept her Saints, kept her soul (if that's even a thing) intact, her morals firmly in place.
(Underneath the awe, he feels a coil of misery, knows he isn't good enough, even if she seems to think he is).
As much as it frightens him, he has to admit she's right. Because if it were simply fucking, he wouldn't be so keen on doing any of this. He wouldn't have let her in so close with so many possibilities to slip a knife between his ribs. And he wouldn't get the urge to raze the whole damn city at the thought of her getting hurt. Kaz has always known he could be protective, but this is different than keeping power in check and looking after his own.
He gives her the time she needs, breath hitching as she slowly sinks down on him, her face the picture of concentration. His hand pets down her side soothingly and when she finally settles, he slides his palm to the back of her neck, fingers tangling in her hair. ]
I know it isn't. [ The words come out low, almost a whisper. Private and just for them. ] I didn't shed my armor for that.
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This is a gift, one she won't squander, and he gives her honesty and she heaps even more on him in return.]
I won't let you put it back on. [She promises him, both hands coming up to cup his face in her hands so she can kiss his brow, his cheek, his lips.] You're mine now, Kaz. I'll keep you.
[There will be no getting away from her now, not with any of his usual tricks he pulls to cut people out. He's stuck, and now she knows that he'll be happy about it.
She loves him, but what feels more important to her is that now she's starting to believe it's been mutual for a very long time.
And with that in her mind, making her feel warm and light and perfectly happy, she starts to move. It's so slow, her hips rocking forward and then back as she steals kiss after kiss from his lips, and she knows it's never felt better for her than it does now. He's the perfect size, just the right amount of a curve to the length of him that he pulls just right on that secret spot inside her that so few men know about with each deep press in. He's perfect, she loves him, he loves her, and she moans softly against his mouth.]
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Greedy. You sure you don't worship Ghezen? [ He says it in place of what he wants to say: I've been yours for a while. One confession is difficult enough right now, even if a part of him wants to shout about it.
Later, he'll make himself say it, so she knows. It doesn't matter that she seems to understand everything underneath the words, the things between the lines. She deserves to hear it straight. It's the least he can do, when she's bared her whole heart.
Her buoyancy is infectious, getting a muffled laugh the more she kisses him. The sound changes partway through when she shifts her hips, the friction an addictive drag. She's wet enough that it's an easy slide, one that leaves him groaning whenever he's buried deep. He drags his hand up her thigh and ghosts his fingers down her stomach, stopping right where she's pressed right against him. ]
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