[ Putting her on her back like this was a risk. They've both grown up in the Barrel, learned that caution and defensiveness (at the least) is the way to get by. Instead of tensing up or lashing out, she relaxes, and he feels that funny little flip in his stomach. Bit by bit, she's showing how much she trusts him, practically baring her throat.
Against all instincts, he wants to be able to do the same. Not only because she rightfully asked it of him, but because he does trust her. This is Inej, who has held every single one of his secrets in her hands and kept them safe. With the information she has, she could've done so much to ruin his life, but here they both are, armor chipped away.
She doesn't protest, so he keeps going, kisses a line down the center of her body. Down past the dip of her belly, his one hand sliding up the inside of her thigh. When he gets between her legs, he gives her a look that's both questioning and wanting, eyes darkened from possibility. ]
[Whether or not he's done this before, Inej still can't say. What matters, though, is that he has a kind of confidence to him now that makes her tremble, makes her sure that he's going to get it right. The idea that she's going to be the one to teach him, show him how to please her and no I e ale is appealing too and she can't help that she squirms in anticipation, nodding at once to answer that silent question.]
It's okay. Please, Kaz.
[Not a thing he'll be used to her saying, and it's something she isn't used to hearing come out of her mouth either, but his comfort feels so much more important than her pride right now.]
[ Truthfully, he hasn't done this before. He's only heard talk and is remembering a half hazy dream where he'd done it. But he thinks if he goes astray, Inej will course correct like she did earlier, showing him exactly how she liked to be touched.
The flare of desire that goes through him when she speaks up is enough to spur him into motion. He presses a kiss to the vee of her thigh and then licks a line along her pussy, tongue flat on it. There's still residual wetness from earlier and he lets out a heated sigh against her. He repeats the action, adding a little more pressure. ]
[That's certainly a good start and she lets him know it by echoing his sigh, her back arching just a little as she angles her hips to chase the sensation of his tongue on her. It's only after the fact that she realizes she should probably hold herself still so that he can explore as he will, do as he like without her rushing him along to the finer points.
She's in no hurry. If anything she wants this to last as long as possible, for them to be wrapped up in each other all morning. All day. She doesn't want to share him with the rest of the world now that she has even this little piece of him, this one moment that feels so fleeting, and she's never felt so selfish as she does now.
It's... nice. Unusual, but nice.
Reaching down for him, she slips her fingers through his hair just for an excuse to touch him.]
[ Her sigh is fulfilling to hear; both of them can be tightly wound, simply trying to survive. He feels a blush spread across his cheeks when she shifts her hips, less embarrassed and more turned on by it. Now it's a goal to make her do that more, get her worked up like she did to him earlier.
When she slides her fingers into his hair, he lets out a quiet noise of encouragement. It feels good, the little tug that comes from her holding on. He licks at her again, this time experimentally pushing his tongue in. At the same time, his fingers find that spot he'd been rubbing earlier, a bit clumsy with the angle at first. Will this feel good? He's hoping so. ]
[It's equal parts surprise and encouragement, that little exclamation, and he gets what he wants with shocking ease. Her hips buck again, one foot kicking and her toes actually curling when he gets his tongue in her and goes after her clit like that. She can feel that he's just guessing, less experienced and more just someone eager and a quick study.
Trust him to be as good with his tongue and his fingers in this situation as any other one. She's almost annoyed by it, annoyed to know he'll probably end up pushing her over the edge without even trying, but she can figure out something to keep this from ending.
She has to. She doesn't want to lose him, not after everything.]
That's- that's really good. [Just so he knows, so he can't doubt it, think she's trying to stop him when she keeps talking.] We can do more. We don't have to- to stop here.
[ Oh, there's the reaction he was looking for. Her hips buck, back arching with the motion, and the exclamation runs straight down his spine. Not for the first time, he's thankful he's on the third floor, away from everyone else. Almost no one has a reason to be up here unless there's an emergency and they all know better than to barge in. Well, hopefully. If anyone decided to come in now, they'd certainly be met with a surprise.
Frankly, he's not even sure he'd care, not with Inej squirming under his touch. Then again, he doesn't want anyone to know what she looks like when she's like this. Doesn't want anyone to know the tilt of her body or curl of her toes when she feels good, how her voice goes a little dreamy at the edges. He wants to bottle that sound, keep it to himself like the greedy bastard that he is.
He moves to replace his fingers with his mouth, taking a page from her earlier and sucking before he pulls away. She tastes good, in a way he can't describe. Just simply her. ]
What do you want? [ Because he wants whatever she's got in mind. ]
[She wants to call him names when he sucks on her clit like that, when she has to put a hand over her mouth so she doesn't shout and bring some curious, nosy member of their crew to find out what's got Inej yelling at Kaz now. She wants to tell him off for picking this up too fast, for speeding them even closer to the end of this, and she knows that with how turned on she is that his chin is going to by shiny with her wetness when he lifts his head.
She knows it, but it's an entirely other thing to look down the length of her body and see his pale face with her fingers curled in his dark, dark hair, lips wet and curled into the most smug look she's ever seen on him.
Asshole. She loves him.]
I want all of you.
[He's smart enough to figure out what that means.]
[ He definitely feels smug, especially when she puts a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound that comes out. Part of him wants to tell her to go ahead and yell, damn all the consequences. Wants to see her lose control.
But he can't, not right now. Not when he still wants to keep this all to himself. And not when he isn't sure if his door is locked.
His eyebrow lifts when she responds, because while he isn't going to disagree, he's—well, maybe he's a little surprised. Is this too fast? If she says she wants it, then it should be fine, right? Cheekily, he licks her one last time, moaning softly when he gets a mouthful of how wet she is.
Then he sits up, wiping his chin off idly and frowning a bit. ]
Switch with me. [ Already, his leg has cramped up from kneeling between her legs. Any more of this and he's going to be off his feet for most of the day. ]
[Maybe it is too fast, but what Inej will regret more than going too fast is not getting everything out of this that Kaz is able to give, wants to share with her. If he had shown any sign that he didn't want to go all the way after she brought it up she would have been content to let him keep going down on her all morning, repaid him by swallowing his cock again and letting him spill down her throat one more time. If that had been as far as he could go, she would have accepted it.
But if he's so willing to agree that he just sits right up and makes that demand then yeah. She wants this.
She smiles at his suggestion and reaches for him as he sits up, pulls him in to kiss him despite the taste of her on his lips. It's dirty, more provocative than he probably expects from her, but she can't bring herself to care about that now.]
[ She agrees and that's really all he needs. He doesn't expect her to pull him in for a kiss, especially not after where his mouth has been. It's guaranteed she can taste herself and somehow, that sends a coil of want through him. His hand slides up her side, following the curve of her waist until he's palming a breast, a moan getting muffled by the kiss.
Everything about her is small, easy to fit in his hands. He's reminded of the times he's wondered if he could just pick her up and put her on his desk. Or push her up against a wall.
Something to possibly bring up later.
For now though, he breaks away from the kiss with some reluctance before settling into his back carefully. His leg definitely protests the motion and he stretches it out with an annoyed noise. Normally, he doesn't hate it so much, but right now it's irritating. Whatever, he has better things to think about. Like how Inej looks right now, flushed all over. He reaches up and traces the line of her cheek down to her jaw, something he always thinks about doing. ]
[As they move, switching positions, she doesn't stop heaping affection on him at every second. She keeps kissing him, hands sliding over every inch of him she can feel, helping him properly out of his sleeping pants once and for all. It should be any different to see him totally naked when she had already seen the more private parts of him, but there's a moment when she has him pressed back on the bed, hands on his hips and she's looking down at him, where she absolutely stares.
It's very likely that no one has looked at Kaz like this, equal parts hunger and burning affection, but Inej does. Inej looks at him like he's always been hers and he was just slow to figure it out, and even when he stretches his leg and she realizes why he'd wanted to move like this, even when she's reaching out to find those sore, tired muscles and work them loose with practiced fingers, she's still looking at him like she'll never let him go.
She won't. He'd better get used to it.
But she also isn't taking her time with this, not really. Once he's settled, once she's got him on his back, she moves right up over his hips again, knees on either side of him, and reaches down to palm his cock. She slides her fingers along him slowly, not needing to get him hard (which is a thing she feels with no small measure of pride) but just because she wants to feel him, see him squirm a little.
And watch his face when she rubs the head of his cock through against her sex, lets him feel just how wet she is because of him in a much more intimate way. Leaning in again lets her steal another kiss, hungry and claiming and not at all gentle, but when she speaks her voice is soft, clear as a bell while her lips brush over his.]
[ Each touch brings a small thrill alongside that stitch of worry that it'll be the one to set him off. That his body will finally decide it's had enough and cause him to push her away. He can feel it, the ingrained panic rising up, but it's self-fabricated. It's years of avoidance bubbling to the surface and trying to push away before anything happens.
It isn't exactly canceled out, but he switches his focus to the press of her lips, the way her hands trail down his stomach to his hips and hold on. When she finally pauses, he's as flushed as she is, the color spreading from his cheeks down to his chest. She's giving him a look, half like she wants to eat him and the other half—it's soft at the edges. He thinks it might mirror the one he's given a few times, when she's feeding the crows and not paying attention.
(And he knows it's one he's given in a dream; it might've involved him giving her a crown of those red geraniums).
When she kneads her fingers across his leg, he lets out a relieved sigh, reaching out to run his hand down her shoulder and arm. Simply to touch and make sure he can. Nothing inside of him shudders. At least, not in warning; he definitely does a few beats later when she gets him between her legs and rubs. He swears into her mouth, hips lifting instinctually. ]
[That makes her smile again, soft and amused against his lips, and she shakes her head.]
That's not what this is.
[And that's giving way more away than she probably should, but she can't help it. Fucking is what the version of her owned by the Menagerie did, something cold and unfeeling. That isn't something she wants to associate with this, with Kaz Brekker and her torch she's been carrying for so long it's burned down to a sooty stub in her hand that she still refuses to let go even when the heat of it stings. She won't call it making love or anything so flowery, but there's more heart to this than fucking like two drunken idiots in an alleyway.
When she tips her hips forward and lets him slide into her, it's so much more than fucking. Her breath catches, she bites down on her lip as her body clenches tight at the intrusion of him, so much bigger than fingers, but she doesn't stop. It's a slow and steady press down, inch by inch, soft little sounds escaping her, hands grasping his shoulder or stroking through his hair as she goes. It's all so much to finally be doing this after years of wanting him to be hers and by the time her hips come to a rest, pressed tight to his, she's so wrung out by emotion and the way it feels to have him buried in her that she wants to cry from how much it is.
In a very good way. She needs a minute to adjust before she moves, too, and she leans her forehead against his, eyelids fluttering, cunt squeezing around his cock like she's greedy for him, will never let him pull out. The flush under her skin makes her glow, and when she meets his eyes hers are liquid fire and every secret is right there in them for him to pick clean.
Love, devotion. Longing. She's laid bare now, utterly exposed, and all she can do is hope he won't break her heart.]
Her words echo around in his head, feel like they fill his lungs with something he's been too afraid to acknowledge. But then, she's always been the more courageous of the two of them, hasn't she? Kaz might take the risks or gamble with low odds, but she's brave inside and out. She dared the Barrel to whittle her down and won. She's kept her Saints, kept her soul (if that's even a thing) intact, her morals firmly in place.
(Underneath the awe, he feels a coil of misery, knows he isn't good enough, even if she seems to think he is).
As much as it frightens him, he has to admit she's right. Because if it were simply fucking, he wouldn't be so keen on doing any of this. He wouldn't have let her in so close with so many possibilities to slip a knife between his ribs. And he wouldn't get the urge to raze the whole damn city at the thought of her getting hurt. Kaz has always known he could be protective, but this is different than keeping power in check and looking after his own.
He gives her the time she needs, breath hitching as she slowly sinks down on him, her face the picture of concentration. His hand pets down her side soothingly and when she finally settles, he slides his palm to the back of her neck, fingers tangling in her hair. ]
I know it isn't. [ The words come out low, almost a whisper. Private and just for them. ] I didn't shed my armor for that.
[With those few words whispered where no one else will ever hear them, Kaz gives her more than she could have ever hoped for. It solidifies this in her head and in her heart as more than what she thought it was, as real and lasting and something that will survive this one perfect, sunny, warm morning when they just happened to wake up feeling a little more willing to be open.
This is a gift, one she won't squander, and he gives her honesty and she heaps even more on him in return.]
I won't let you put it back on. [She promises him, both hands coming up to cup his face in her hands so she can kiss his brow, his cheek, his lips.] You're mine now, Kaz. I'll keep you.
[There will be no getting away from her now, not with any of his usual tricks he pulls to cut people out. He's stuck, and now she knows that he'll be happy about it.
She loves him, but what feels more important to her is that now she's starting to believe it's been mutual for a very long time.
And with that in her mind, making her feel warm and light and perfectly happy, she starts to move. It's so slow, her hips rocking forward and then back as she steals kiss after kiss from his lips, and she knows it's never felt better for her than it does now. He's the perfect size, just the right amount of a curve to the length of him that he pulls just right on that secret spot inside her that so few men know about with each deep press in. He's perfect, she loves him, he loves her, and she moans softly against his mouth.]
[ Her reaction is immediate and he can't help the smile that pulls at the corners of his mouth. For the first time in a while, he feels light, like the weight of responsibility he usually carries has been shucked off. ]
Greedy. You sure you don't worship Ghezen? [ He says it in place of what he wants to say: I've been yours for a while. One confession is difficult enough right now, even if a part of him wants to shout about it.
Later, he'll make himself say it, so she knows. It doesn't matter that she seems to understand everything underneath the words, the things between the lines. She deserves to hear it straight. It's the least he can do, when she's bared her whole heart.
Her buoyancy is infectious, getting a muffled laugh the more she kisses him. The sound changes partway through when she shifts her hips, the friction an addictive drag. She's wet enough that it's an easy slide, one that leaves him groaning whenever he's buried deep. He drags his hand up her thigh and ghosts his fingers down her stomach, stopping right where she's pressed right against him. ]
[First that they were fucking, and then bringing up Ghezen, and she says it with a smile that invites him to share the joke with her.
But it's hard to think of witty comebacks as she keeps moving, as he reaches for her and allows himself to touch her. There's a dark voice in the back of her head trying to whisper to her about how he'll judge how she moves, practiced and just so, controlled and... experienced. If he'll think of her time in the Menagerie, of the men who came before, of why she can move so well.
It's been a big part of why there were never any partners after she left that life. The judgement of someone she might allow herself to care for who might feel threatened by the past, might hate her for not being as pure as they thought she should be.
But that voice, dark and awful as it is, is easier to ignore than she thought. Kaz knew who and what she was, who and what she suffered before he himself plucked her away from Tante Heleen and silks and being bought and sold. He's better than the made up hateful people who could never understand her the way he does.
If he feels anything about the way she rides him, just a little faster as her body starts to adjust, it wouldn't be anything negative. Only positive, only supportive, and she shivers and curls her body towards him as he touches and explores her.]
[ Once he's more sure of himself. He doesn't have the filthiest mouth in the Barrel, but this place has its ways of corrupting. And he knows when he gets over the initial embarrassment (and disbelief) that any of this is happening, he's going to get more creative. Right now, he's just doing his best to keep the feeling of the harbor away, to focus on Inej's smile, the way the muscles in her legs flex with every motion.
He catches her expression, the way she's gone a bit quiet, and brushes a kiss to her neck. Is she thinking about her time at the Menagerie? About those men who'd taken and given nothing in return? If he were anyone else, he might be upset that she could possibly turn to those thoughts at all, but he knows how the past can haunt someone.
So he settles both his hands on her waist, something grounding, nose pressing to her collarbone in what could only be described as a nuzzle. ]
I didn't know it would be like this. [ Honestly, he had no point of reference. But more than how she feels—because it does feel good with how tight she is, the weight of her across his hips—he likes seeing her take what she wants, working herself up on her own. He slips his one hand down again, rubs two fingers across her clit when she slides up, a sound catching in his throat when she drops down again. ]
[That makes her shiver, that promise from him that he'll get worse, because she reads between the lines to what he says. As it goes on, he means. As they keep doing this, as he learns, he'll have more to say. More to contribute, as though the way he plays with her while she rides him isn't good enough.
She's all his now, thoughts of anything that isn't Kaz and his bedroom and his perfectly warm bed dissolving to nothing as she steals kiss after kiss, strokes his hair while his mouth moves to her neck. Being held by him while she moves is something so perfect that she can't imagine ever wanting to stop, to give this up.
But she won't have to. That knowledge gives her courage, his seeking fingers strumming her clit make her moan against his ear, soft and only for him, and he speaks and all she wants is to wrap him up in her arms and keep him safe, show him just what this can always, always be.]
You're a natural.
[She teases him, gives him an out if he's getting too close to real feelings.]
[ If there's one thing he's always aware of, it's that Inej can read between the lines. It's why he chooses his words carefully around her more than anyone else. So he knows she gets the underlying meaning, knows that it means there's a future here.
Because he really does want to wake up to her everyday. Even if it has nothing to do with what they're currently doing. Perhaps it's uncharacteristic of him, but he wants to be able to turn over and hold her when they're both trying to get up. Wants to see how much more he can make her laugh. ]
I have incentive to learn fast. [ She deserves to be spoiled, deserves the best even if he feels like he's not even halfway to delivering.
When she moans so close by, his pulse picks up and his hips buck, a quiet groan of his own echoing between them. She feels so good and he wants more of her reactions; his fingers rub at her with some more pressure and then slipping briefly further to feel out where they're joined. It's a rush to know how much she's taken, one that leaves him squirming a bit underneath of her. ]
[She's been taking things slow so he could get used to things, to her touching him and sinking down along the thick length of him, and that would have been fine with Inej. She could have kept going slow just like that, work them both up and up until they tumbled over the edge together in a way that was sweet and languid, a good first way to start out with someone with such an aversion to being touched.
That had been her plan, right up until he bucks into her at the perfect angle to make her cry out, her whole body arching towards him with a kind of eagerness she's kept on lockdown the best she can. It's like when she bucked against his mouth, a moment where she looses her grip on her control because of how he's overwhelmed her with sensation, and she clamps down hard around him, gets a little wetter for him.
Her whole body screams for him to do that again, tells him that she likes that, but she's trembling as she tries to find that slow pace again, to fight the urge to match that deep and almost rough way he just-
[ He could tell she'd been holding back. Really, he'd appreciated it, because there was so much here that was new. This much touching, the fact he's never done this before, and well, there's that part of him that wants this to last. Wants to keep pushing the fold to see how much he can get away with before his memories catch up again.
Except the pace changes in a blink. At first, he isn't quite sure what happened. Just that Inej is arched in a perfect display of pleasure, mouth dropped open in a moan, muscles squeezing around him. It leaves him gasping and rolling his hips up again; the motion that caused that reaction to begin with. He shakes off the haze for a second, settles both hands on her hips and bucks into her, watching her expression. ]
[The reaction he gets is immediate and very expressive. Her eyebrows screw together in a little frown of concentration, he chases another soft cry from her lips that she does her best to bite back, hide from the rest of the world outside this room, but it's a futile sort of thing. His hands on her hips that way make her burn with want and it's there when she looks down at him, her hands scrabbling up to his shoulders to cling to him.
She likes this. The idea of Kaz just- taking her, finding what he needs in her arms and in her body, it's all she's ever wanted for them and she has it and it's overwhelming, too perfect. Shivering in his lap, clenched down tight on him as her body thrums closer and closer to orgasm, she shakes her head.]
You... If you keep that up I won't last.
[He'll make her come again way too quickly and she isn't naive enough to think that if he feels her come, all wet tightness around his cock and his name on her lips, that he'll last. He'll finish right with her and as good as that sounds, it will mean the end. She's not ready to have him pull out of her, to not be in his lap so close her breasts graze his chest with each thrust.
She wants him buried in her, hands on her, for as long as possible, but she wants him to fuck her until they come in a perfect union too.
[ With her hands on his shoulders and that muffled yell, he's overwhelmed in the best way. He can feel his mind start to blank out, focus only on how she's squeezing down on his cock, how she's even wetter than before.
They're experiencing a similar problem: to make this last or to push each other off the edge? It'll be over so quickly but he doesn't think he'll be able to hold on. Not with the perfect push in and out, not when she's shuddering in his lap, bodies aligned.
In the end, greed wins out over patience and he rubs her clit with purpose when he thrusts up, rhythm going askew as he chases release. ]
Come on, I want to feel it. [ Is that the filthiest thing he's said all morning? Maybe. ]
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Against all instincts, he wants to be able to do the same. Not only because she rightfully asked it of him, but because he does trust her. This is Inej, who has held every single one of his secrets in her hands and kept them safe. With the information she has, she could've done so much to ruin his life, but here they both are, armor chipped away.
She doesn't protest, so he keeps going, kisses a line down the center of her body. Down past the dip of her belly, his one hand sliding up the inside of her thigh. When he gets between her legs, he gives her a look that's both questioning and wanting, eyes darkened from possibility. ]
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It's okay. Please, Kaz.
[Not a thing he'll be used to her saying, and it's something she isn't used to hearing come out of her mouth either, but his comfort feels so much more important than her pride right now.]
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The flare of desire that goes through him when she speaks up is enough to spur him into motion. He presses a kiss to the vee of her thigh and then licks a line along her pussy, tongue flat on it. There's still residual wetness from earlier and he lets out a heated sigh against her. He repeats the action, adding a little more pressure. ]
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She's in no hurry. If anything she wants this to last as long as possible, for them to be wrapped up in each other all morning. All day. She doesn't want to share him with the rest of the world now that she has even this little piece of him, this one moment that feels so fleeting, and she's never felt so selfish as she does now.
It's... nice. Unusual, but nice.
Reaching down for him, she slips her fingers through his hair just for an excuse to touch him.]
Keep going...
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When she slides her fingers into his hair, he lets out a quiet noise of encouragement. It feels good, the little tug that comes from her holding on. He licks at her again, this time experimentally pushing his tongue in. At the same time, his fingers find that spot he'd been rubbing earlier, a bit clumsy with the angle at first. Will this feel good? He's hoping so. ]
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[It's equal parts surprise and encouragement, that little exclamation, and he gets what he wants with shocking ease. Her hips buck again, one foot kicking and her toes actually curling when he gets his tongue in her and goes after her clit like that. She can feel that he's just guessing, less experienced and more just someone eager and a quick study.
Trust him to be as good with his tongue and his fingers in this situation as any other one. She's almost annoyed by it, annoyed to know he'll probably end up pushing her over the edge without even trying, but she can figure out something to keep this from ending.
She has to. She doesn't want to lose him, not after everything.]
That's- that's really good. [Just so he knows, so he can't doubt it, think she's trying to stop him when she keeps talking.] We can do more. We don't have to- to stop here.
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Frankly, he's not even sure he'd care, not with Inej squirming under his touch. Then again, he doesn't want anyone to know what she looks like when she's like this. Doesn't want anyone to know the tilt of her body or curl of her toes when she feels good, how her voice goes a little dreamy at the edges. He wants to bottle that sound, keep it to himself like the greedy bastard that he is.
He moves to replace his fingers with his mouth, taking a page from her earlier and sucking before he pulls away. She tastes good, in a way he can't describe. Just simply her. ]
What do you want? [ Because he wants whatever she's got in mind. ]
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She knows it, but it's an entirely other thing to look down the length of her body and see his pale face with her fingers curled in his dark, dark hair, lips wet and curled into the most smug look she's ever seen on him.
Asshole. She loves him.]
I want all of you.
[He's smart enough to figure out what that means.]
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But he can't, not right now. Not when he still wants to keep this all to himself. And not when he isn't sure if his door is locked.
His eyebrow lifts when she responds, because while he isn't going to disagree, he's—well, maybe he's a little surprised. Is this too fast? If she says she wants it, then it should be fine, right? Cheekily, he licks her one last time, moaning softly when he gets a mouthful of how wet she is.
Then he sits up, wiping his chin off idly and frowning a bit. ]
Switch with me. [ Already, his leg has cramped up from kneeling between her legs. Any more of this and he's going to be off his feet for most of the day. ]
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But if he's so willing to agree that he just sits right up and makes that demand then yeah. She wants this.
She smiles at his suggestion and reaches for him as he sits up, pulls him in to kiss him despite the taste of her on his lips. It's dirty, more provocative than he probably expects from her, but she can't bring herself to care about that now.]
Get comfortable. I'll take care of everything.
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Everything about her is small, easy to fit in his hands. He's reminded of the times he's wondered if he could just pick her up and put her on his desk. Or push her up against a wall.
Something to possibly bring up later.
For now though, he breaks away from the kiss with some reluctance before settling into his back carefully. His leg definitely protests the motion and he stretches it out with an annoyed noise. Normally, he doesn't hate it so much, but right now it's irritating. Whatever, he has better things to think about. Like how Inej looks right now, flushed all over. He reaches up and traces the line of her cheek down to her jaw, something he always thinks about doing. ]
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It's very likely that no one has looked at Kaz like this, equal parts hunger and burning affection, but Inej does. Inej looks at him like he's always been hers and he was just slow to figure it out, and even when he stretches his leg and she realizes why he'd wanted to move like this, even when she's reaching out to find those sore, tired muscles and work them loose with practiced fingers, she's still looking at him like she'll never let him go.
She won't. He'd better get used to it.
But she also isn't taking her time with this, not really. Once he's settled, once she's got him on his back, she moves right up over his hips again, knees on either side of him, and reaches down to palm his cock. She slides her fingers along him slowly, not needing to get him hard (which is a thing she feels with no small measure of pride) but just because she wants to feel him, see him squirm a little.
And watch his face when she rubs the head of his cock through against her sex, lets him feel just how wet she is because of him in a much more intimate way. Leaning in again lets her steal another kiss, hungry and claiming and not at all gentle, but when she speaks her voice is soft, clear as a bell while her lips brush over his.]
You have to say you want to.
[She doesn't want him to regret this.]
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It isn't exactly canceled out, but he switches his focus to the press of her lips, the way her hands trail down his stomach to his hips and hold on. When she finally pauses, he's as flushed as she is, the color spreading from his cheeks down to his chest. She's giving him a look, half like she wants to eat him and the other half—it's soft at the edges. He thinks it might mirror the one he's given a few times, when she's feeding the crows and not paying attention.
(And he knows it's one he's given in a dream; it might've involved him giving her a crown of those red geraniums).
When she kneads her fingers across his leg, he lets out a relieved sigh, reaching out to run his hand down her shoulder and arm. Simply to touch and make sure he can. Nothing inside of him shudders. At least, not in warning; he definitely does a few beats later when she gets him between her legs and rubs. He swears into her mouth, hips lifting instinctually. ]
Go on and fuck me, Inej.
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That's not what this is.
[And that's giving way more away than she probably should, but she can't help it. Fucking is what the version of her owned by the Menagerie did, something cold and unfeeling. That isn't something she wants to associate with this, with Kaz Brekker and her torch she's been carrying for so long it's burned down to a sooty stub in her hand that she still refuses to let go even when the heat of it stings. She won't call it making love or anything so flowery, but there's more heart to this than fucking like two drunken idiots in an alleyway.
When she tips her hips forward and lets him slide into her, it's so much more than fucking. Her breath catches, she bites down on her lip as her body clenches tight at the intrusion of him, so much bigger than fingers, but she doesn't stop. It's a slow and steady press down, inch by inch, soft little sounds escaping her, hands grasping his shoulder or stroking through his hair as she goes. It's all so much to finally be doing this after years of wanting him to be hers and by the time her hips come to a rest, pressed tight to his, she's so wrung out by emotion and the way it feels to have him buried in her that she wants to cry from how much it is.
In a very good way. She needs a minute to adjust before she moves, too, and she leans her forehead against his, eyelids fluttering, cunt squeezing around his cock like she's greedy for him, will never let him pull out. The flush under her skin makes her glow, and when she meets his eyes hers are liquid fire and every secret is right there in them for him to pick clean.
Love, devotion. Longing. She's laid bare now, utterly exposed, and all she can do is hope he won't break her heart.]
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Her words echo around in his head, feel like they fill his lungs with something he's been too afraid to acknowledge. But then, she's always been the more courageous of the two of them, hasn't she? Kaz might take the risks or gamble with low odds, but she's brave inside and out. She dared the Barrel to whittle her down and won. She's kept her Saints, kept her soul (if that's even a thing) intact, her morals firmly in place.
(Underneath the awe, he feels a coil of misery, knows he isn't good enough, even if she seems to think he is).
As much as it frightens him, he has to admit she's right. Because if it were simply fucking, he wouldn't be so keen on doing any of this. He wouldn't have let her in so close with so many possibilities to slip a knife between his ribs. And he wouldn't get the urge to raze the whole damn city at the thought of her getting hurt. Kaz has always known he could be protective, but this is different than keeping power in check and looking after his own.
He gives her the time she needs, breath hitching as she slowly sinks down on him, her face the picture of concentration. His hand pets down her side soothingly and when she finally settles, he slides his palm to the back of her neck, fingers tangling in her hair. ]
I know it isn't. [ The words come out low, almost a whisper. Private and just for them. ] I didn't shed my armor for that.
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This is a gift, one she won't squander, and he gives her honesty and she heaps even more on him in return.]
I won't let you put it back on. [She promises him, both hands coming up to cup his face in her hands so she can kiss his brow, his cheek, his lips.] You're mine now, Kaz. I'll keep you.
[There will be no getting away from her now, not with any of his usual tricks he pulls to cut people out. He's stuck, and now she knows that he'll be happy about it.
She loves him, but what feels more important to her is that now she's starting to believe it's been mutual for a very long time.
And with that in her mind, making her feel warm and light and perfectly happy, she starts to move. It's so slow, her hips rocking forward and then back as she steals kiss after kiss from his lips, and she knows it's never felt better for her than it does now. He's the perfect size, just the right amount of a curve to the length of him that he pulls just right on that secret spot inside her that so few men know about with each deep press in. He's perfect, she loves him, he loves her, and she moans softly against his mouth.]
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Greedy. You sure you don't worship Ghezen? [ He says it in place of what he wants to say: I've been yours for a while. One confession is difficult enough right now, even if a part of him wants to shout about it.
Later, he'll make himself say it, so she knows. It doesn't matter that she seems to understand everything underneath the words, the things between the lines. She deserves to hear it straight. It's the least he can do, when she's bared her whole heart.
Her buoyancy is infectious, getting a muffled laugh the more she kisses him. The sound changes partway through when she shifts her hips, the friction an addictive drag. She's wet enough that it's an easy slide, one that leaves him groaning whenever he's buried deep. He drags his hand up her thigh and ghosts his fingers down her stomach, stopping right where she's pressed right against him. ]
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[First that they were fucking, and then bringing up Ghezen, and she says it with a smile that invites him to share the joke with her.
But it's hard to think of witty comebacks as she keeps moving, as he reaches for her and allows himself to touch her. There's a dark voice in the back of her head trying to whisper to her about how he'll judge how she moves, practiced and just so, controlled and... experienced. If he'll think of her time in the Menagerie, of the men who came before, of why she can move so well.
It's been a big part of why there were never any partners after she left that life. The judgement of someone she might allow herself to care for who might feel threatened by the past, might hate her for not being as pure as they thought she should be.
But that voice, dark and awful as it is, is easier to ignore than she thought. Kaz knew who and what she was, who and what she suffered before he himself plucked her away from Tante Heleen and silks and being bought and sold. He's better than the made up hateful people who could never understand her the way he does.
If he feels anything about the way she rides him, just a little faster as her body starts to adjust, it wouldn't be anything negative. Only positive, only supportive, and she shivers and curls her body towards him as he touches and explores her.]
You feel good.
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[ Once he's more sure of himself. He doesn't have the filthiest mouth in the Barrel, but this place has its ways of corrupting. And he knows when he gets over the initial embarrassment (and disbelief) that any of this is happening, he's going to get more creative. Right now, he's just doing his best to keep the feeling of the harbor away, to focus on Inej's smile, the way the muscles in her legs flex with every motion.
He catches her expression, the way she's gone a bit quiet, and brushes a kiss to her neck. Is she thinking about her time at the Menagerie? About those men who'd taken and given nothing in return? If he were anyone else, he might be upset that she could possibly turn to those thoughts at all, but he knows how the past can haunt someone.
So he settles both his hands on her waist, something grounding, nose pressing to her collarbone in what could only be described as a nuzzle. ]
I didn't know it would be like this. [ Honestly, he had no point of reference. But more than how she feels—because it does feel good with how tight she is, the weight of her across his hips—he likes seeing her take what she wants, working herself up on her own. He slips his one hand down again, rubs two fingers across her clit when she slides up, a sound catching in his throat when she drops down again. ]
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She's all his now, thoughts of anything that isn't Kaz and his bedroom and his perfectly warm bed dissolving to nothing as she steals kiss after kiss, strokes his hair while his mouth moves to her neck. Being held by him while she moves is something so perfect that she can't imagine ever wanting to stop, to give this up.
But she won't have to. That knowledge gives her courage, his seeking fingers strumming her clit make her moan against his ear, soft and only for him, and he speaks and all she wants is to wrap him up in her arms and keep him safe, show him just what this can always, always be.]
You're a natural.
[She teases him, gives him an out if he's getting too close to real feelings.]
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Because he really does want to wake up to her everyday. Even if it has nothing to do with what they're currently doing. Perhaps it's uncharacteristic of him, but he wants to be able to turn over and hold her when they're both trying to get up. Wants to see how much more he can make her laugh. ]
I have incentive to learn fast. [ She deserves to be spoiled, deserves the best even if he feels like he's not even halfway to delivering.
When she moans so close by, his pulse picks up and his hips buck, a quiet groan of his own echoing between them. She feels so good and he wants more of her reactions; his fingers rub at her with some more pressure and then slipping briefly further to feel out where they're joined. It's a rush to know how much she's taken, one that leaves him squirming a bit underneath of her. ]
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That had been her plan, right up until he bucks into her at the perfect angle to make her cry out, her whole body arching towards him with a kind of eagerness she's kept on lockdown the best she can. It's like when she bucked against his mouth, a moment where she looses her grip on her control because of how he's overwhelmed her with sensation, and she clamps down hard around him, gets a little wetter for him.
Her whole body screams for him to do that again, tells him that she likes that, but she's trembling as she tries to find that slow pace again, to fight the urge to match that deep and almost rough way he just-
Took her. Saints, she wants him to do it again.]
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Except the pace changes in a blink. At first, he isn't quite sure what happened. Just that Inej is arched in a perfect display of pleasure, mouth dropped open in a moan, muscles squeezing around him. It leaves him gasping and rolling his hips up again; the motion that caused that reaction to begin with. He shakes off the haze for a second, settles both hands on her hips and bucks into her, watching her expression. ]
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She likes this. The idea of Kaz just- taking her, finding what he needs in her arms and in her body, it's all she's ever wanted for them and she has it and it's overwhelming, too perfect. Shivering in his lap, clenched down tight on him as her body thrums closer and closer to orgasm, she shakes her head.]
You... If you keep that up I won't last.
[He'll make her come again way too quickly and she isn't naive enough to think that if he feels her come, all wet tightness around his cock and his name on her lips, that he'll last. He'll finish right with her and as good as that sounds, it will mean the end. She's not ready to have him pull out of her, to not be in his lap so close her breasts graze his chest with each thrust.
She wants him buried in her, hands on her, for as long as possible, but she wants him to fuck her until they come in a perfect union too.
It's an awful paradox.]
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They're experiencing a similar problem: to make this last or to push each other off the edge? It'll be over so quickly but he doesn't think he'll be able to hold on. Not with the perfect push in and out, not when she's shuddering in his lap, bodies aligned.
In the end, greed wins out over patience and he rubs her clit with purpose when he thrusts up, rhythm going askew as he chases release. ]
Come on, I want to feel it. [ Is that the filthiest thing he's said all morning? Maybe. ]
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