ketterdamn: (Default)
kaz brekker ([personal profile] ketterdamn) wrote2019-02-23 10:52 pm

xx

blep
smokewalker: (If I could have some say)

[personal profile] smokewalker 2020-02-25 11:53 am (UTC)(link)
[The way he touches her is so distracting, so difficult to reconcile with her long established views of who Kaz is that she just can't wrap her head around why he treats her like something so precious. She's his spider, his Wraith, and the concept of him thinking of her as anything more than an asset is still too new and strange to really have accepted or wrapped her head around.

But he touches her like she means everything to him and her eyelids flutter closed, warmth pooling in her that has nothing to do with arousal. She would be hesitant to admit it, but this kind of affection is something she's wanted from him for ages.

She has it now, and has so much more that her heart is soaring. He's taking his pleasure for what she is sure is the first time, making sounds that make her answer with the softest moan of her own while he thrusts past her lips into the wet heat of her mouth. She uses her tongue as he moves, stroking it along his length or over the sensitive head to give him even more sensation, hand against his hip to encourage him, give him the pull forward he might need to know it's okay to keep going, to go deeper if he wishes to.]
smokewalker: (Default)

[personal profile] smokewalker 2020-02-25 03:10 pm (UTC)(link)
[Once upon a time, the fact that this act didn't take long would be something that filled Inej with dread. How many times had it been drilled into them that no one paid the prices the Menagerie demanded only to have everything be over and done with in a few thrusts? Men wanted the worth of what they paid for and an early release is something Inej had come to associate with retribution in one form or another.

But that was then and the Menagerie is so far away from her thoughts that that girl might as well not even exist now. Instead knowing she's close to tipping Kaz over the edge makes her happy, makes her feel almost desperate to see him come. She wants him to feel as good as she did, to know he can have this if he only reaches out for her like this when he wants her.

So she makes a noise around his cock, a low and eager mmhmm to tell him yes, do it, finish in her mouth, everything is fine. She certainly doesn't stop, moving her hand along his length now too to urge him to spill into her mouth, her greedy tongue stroking and cheeks hollowing out as she does her best to get him there.]
smokewalker: (Default)

[personal profile] smokewalker 2020-02-25 07:34 pm (UTC)(link)
[She takes those few moments he's breathless and recovering to duck her head and swallow, finding the salt taste of him not as bad as she remembered it being. Something that still believes in romance tells her it's because it's Kaz, a man she wants to share her bed and her body with, but she packs that away with all the other foolish wishes, the flickering flame she carries for Kaz Brekker.

Come here, he says, and she lifts her head to look up at him with faint surprise before she shifts to lay beside him properly. She's left just a little space between them, just enough for his comfort, but she rests her hand in the space between them.

His to take or leave if he wants it. A small sign that she's still his to touch how he wants. She's quiet as she waits for what comes next, steeled for either outcome and trying not to expect the worst.

But it's difficult. This is, after all, Kaz Brekker.]
smokewalker: (I'd roll back both my sleeves)

[personal profile] smokewalker 2020-02-25 11:37 pm (UTC)(link)
[There's no helping the strange look she gives him at that question, but rather than point out that it's kind of a silly one when he hadn't done anything even remotely painful to her she just nods her head and reaches out to put her free hand on his cheek. Warm and real and fine, she gives him a gentle smile.]

I'm good.

[Not fine, not okay. Good, so there can be no question about it.]

How about you?
smokewalker: (If I could have some say)

[personal profile] smokewalker 2020-02-26 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
[She can see the moment his baggage comes crashing down on him, where that sweet boy who had wanted to hold her hand turns back into what everyone is so used to seeing. She tries not to feel pity when it would only make him angry, feel worse, but she can't help wishing that she had done something different, been able to distract him a little better.

And now he wants her to speak? To help him with the demon of his past when she still doesn't even know what they are beyond something that's made it impossible to touch him?

She doesn't sit up with him. Instead she rolls onto her back beside him and pull the covers up over her body, wondering if whatever is wrong will be helped if he can't see so much of her bare body.

What can she possibly say to fix this?]


I've thought about doing this too. I have for a long time.
smokewalker: (I'd keep you far from home)

[personal profile] smokewalker 2020-02-26 01:02 am (UTC)(link)
[Now she does sit up, scoots closer until she's sitting beside him without touching. Like this it's easy to drape the covers over them both so he doesn't get cold, to share her body heat still without the contact she assumes will push him over the edge of what he can handle now.

She wishes she knew what was going through his head, what he saw when the past swamped him. She could help if she knew, would feel less lost, less helpless in the face of this.

But she doesn't. She's too afraid to ask even now. All she can do is guess.]


Long enough that it feels silly it took this long. Maybe from the beginning.
smokewalker: (I'd roll back both my sleeves)

[personal profile] smokewalker 2020-02-26 01:36 am (UTC)(link)
Maybe.

[There's no point in denying that, he's been awful to her just as often as he has been to the rest of the people they know and it would be disingenuous to pretend that isn't true. But the things he's done that she doesn't approve of pale in comparison to the reason she follows him with such devotion and maybe it's time to open up about that with him.]

But you know where I'd be if you hadn't saved me.
smokewalker: (If I could have one wish)

[personal profile] smokewalker 2020-02-26 02:10 am (UTC)(link)
Good. Don't forget.

[Don't throw her away, don't replace her. It's there if he wants to look for it, but hidden if he can't hear it just like everything she says to him.

He might understand it now, now that they've crossed this line into something so intimate and unlike themselves. She doesn't regret a single moment, of course, but there's no question they're on different pages when it comes to how they feel about each other. How she's always felt about him.

She can feel the way his nerves are subsiding now and maybe it's a bad move but she leans just those few inches closer until her shoulder rests against his, bare skin warm against his.]


It doesn't have to end there. This can be a start.
smokewalker: (If I could have some say)

[personal profile] smokewalker 2020-02-26 02:43 am (UTC)(link)
[It seems unfair that he would lay that at her feet and force her to answer or risk destroying this delicate connection they've formed, but even now she can't find it in herself to be angry at him. She's said it before and she doesn't mind saying it again.]

I answered that question a long time ago, but you forgot. I want every part of you, Kaz.

[The boy under the armor, and yes, even this. He probably thinks of himself as weak right now but all she sees is someone that's fought their way back from the brink of a breakdown, a far cry from the boy who fainted because of the press of bodies all around him. He's made huge strides and she doesn't think he sees it but she wants to be the one to help him keep moving forward.]
smokewalker: (Default)

[personal profile] smokewalker 2020-02-26 03:05 am (UTC)(link)
[She can see it the moment he decides that he'll let her in, that she matters enough to him to go through the clear struggle this is to allow her to help him become everything she knows he can be. Adjusted, stronger because of it. Maybe happy, if he takes the time to learn what that feels like.

What he says means everything to her and she's proud of him for saying it, but she smiles and shakes her head, turns it just enough to brush a kiss over his wrist.]


It's okay if you do. I can wait.
smokewalker: (I'd roll back both my sleeves)

[personal profile] smokewalker 2020-02-26 03:26 am (UTC)(link)
[That smile does more to warm her than any cup of tea, any warm fire, any blanket freshly brought in off the clothesline, and the funny flip her stomach does is both entirely welcome and a little surprising. She feels far too old to be affected by something so simple and yet her she is, counting down the minutes until she sees Nina again to tell her how right she was in the end.

Holding onto the edge of the blanket, she lays back once more so she can stretch out in his bed. Their bed? The bed, and with her grip on that blanket it means that it'll go tight around him, bring him down with her so his options are curl up or risk it slipping away and being bared to the cold room.]


Hopefully the place won't fall down around your ears if you take such an extensive break.

[She's teasing him, obviously. A few bells feels like an eternity when she's had so little time with him like this.]
smokewalker: (Default)

[personal profile] smokewalker 2020-02-26 03:08 pm (UTC)(link)
With thicker walls.

[It seems an odd thing to say now, but testing out the waters and how he'll react to implying this new thing between them will continue is something she can't help.

The truth is, she doesn't think it will. Inej is convinced that the moment they leave this bed, the moment his clothes and his gloves go on, he'll block this all out. Everything will return to how it was and he'll probably refuse to acknowledge that this intimate, vulnerable moment even happened.

And her heart is ready for that. If it happens she's ready, and there are paths she can shift herself onto that will guide her away from being hurt by him with or without him meaning to. She meant it every time she told him she wanted all of him and if he still can't give it to her after this, what's keeping her here?

Nothing. Hopefully he knows it.]

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